Spooooky...
Patience
Spooooky...
E is for elegance, as in “Burnt-orange colored phones are a true mark of elegance and refinement.” I don’t have phone service, but still need a one to work the callbox in my building. This beauty does the trick.
I is for indispensable, as in “A killer collection of glass jars with amazing designs on them is really indispensable to day-to-day existence.”
K is for killer, as in “That wood bowl with spoon is going to look killer on the coffee table filled with M&Ms.” Can you have too many wood accessories? I don’t think so. I have platters, large and small, but this unique and funny dish is a wonderful addition to the collection. Killer.
M is for mine, as in, “Hands off that avocado Tamac casserole, bitch! It’s MIIIINE.” Honestly, that didn’t happen. I don’t think anyone else walking by even knew what this wonderful piece of pottery was, so I got it for a song. Some might consider Tamac’s odd, organic shape a little ugly and its colors a little gauche. Not me. It’s genius and it’s mine.
Q is for quixotic, as in “Quixotic kids covet all cool china.” Whatever. We have a two-plate rule: if you find a cool china pattern, there has to be at least two plates in order to buy it. Because of that, we have a huge ‘set’ of matching plates for dinner and always have something different to eat off of. Thankfully, the ‘two-plate rule’ does not apply to salad, bread or dessert plates and I have no intention of amending it anytime soon.
R is for really, as in “Really? REALLY? You aren’t collecting decorative tin platters and canisters? I took all of my money out of the stock market and put it into tin platters and canisters. It’s much more stable.” It’s actually more in canisters, but this little dish matches one of those, so it makes a nice addition to the portfolio.
Z is for Zen, as in “Zen is not a design-style you idiot, it’s a philosophy. Everyone in-the-know says Asian-ish.” A killer faux-bamboo ceramic box is the quintessential definition of Asian-ish.
Of course, you're as pleased as I am, but I cannot helped noticing that quizical look on your face that seems to wonder whether or not I actually need another set of wooden fruit. Well, it happened most accidentally, I assure you. I was driving by the Goodwill and decided to pop in for a moment, knowing there wasn't going to be anything of interest on a Sunday afternoon. But, I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I passed up treasure after treasure, so that when I came to the bowl of wooden fruit, all of my resistance was spent. I snatched it up without question, threw my money at the cashier and ran for the door.
Now, I also have some juistification:
1. This set is in a low, wooden dish.  It will look perfect with the other two sets which are in compote style dishes.
2. It has a mango. And a persimmon. I don't have a set with a persimmon! Plus, some other exotic fruits I cannot identify. I love exotic wooden fruit I can't identify even more than just plain old wooden grapes, bananas and apples.
3.  Photographic evidence of the things I did NOT buy, articles A, B and C:
I think congratulations are in order.
 A is for art, as in "Don't just think about prints and paintings, string art can be just as satisfying."  This Mandala is signed by the artist on the back with wishes for a happy and joyful life.  It's in mint condition and currently acting as the body halo for one of my Virgin Mary statues.  No joke.
A is for art, as in "Don't just think about prints and paintings, string art can be just as satisfying."  This Mandala is signed by the artist on the back with wishes for a happy and joyful life.  It's in mint condition and currently acting as the body halo for one of my Virgin Mary statues.  No joke. B is for Boss, as in "This set of bookends is truly boss."  Too boss for me, I didn't buy it.
B is for Boss, as in "This set of bookends is truly boss."  Too boss for me, I didn't buy it. C is for Chinese children, as in "Aren't fat little Chinese children a great decorating motif?"  Mitchell brought these back from his trip to Omaha/Wichita and they are a wonderful white porcelain set with two boys and two girls.
C is for Chinese children, as in "Aren't fat little Chinese children a great decorating motif?"  Mitchell brought these back from his trip to Omaha/Wichita and they are a wonderful white porcelain set with two boys and two girls. D is for don't buy this pattern of Pyrex, it's really ugly, as in "Don't buy this pattern of Pyrex, it's really ugly."  Or go ahead and buy all of it because no one else is, this has been sitting on the shelf of Next-to-New for months.  Maybe if you stock up on it now, it will eventually reach 'ironic collectible' status and you can sell at a profit?  Personally, I believe this "Federal" pattern is one of the worst, perhaps third only to the "wheat" and "Dutch farmers" patterns.  I admit to owning some of the latter, but only in acceptable shapes and sizes.  What makes them acceptable and desirable while most of it is awful?  Reader, if you don't know, there are some things which simple cannot be taught.
D is for don't buy this pattern of Pyrex, it's really ugly, as in "Don't buy this pattern of Pyrex, it's really ugly."  Or go ahead and buy all of it because no one else is, this has been sitting on the shelf of Next-to-New for months.  Maybe if you stock up on it now, it will eventually reach 'ironic collectible' status and you can sell at a profit?  Personally, I believe this "Federal" pattern is one of the worst, perhaps third only to the "wheat" and "Dutch farmers" patterns.  I admit to owning some of the latter, but only in acceptable shapes and sizes.  What makes them acceptable and desirable while most of it is awful?  Reader, if you don't know, there are some things which simple cannot be taught.
 F is for food warmer, as in "Today's modern, electric food warmers make entertaining simple and carefree for every hostess."  This one is a super-sized model with a design by the one and only Georges Briard.  The gold is slightly worn in places, but I purchased it for a song.
F is for food warmer, as in "Today's modern, electric food warmers make entertaining simple and carefree for every hostess."  This one is a super-sized model with a design by the one and only Georges Briard.  The gold is slightly worn in places, but I purchased it for a song. G is for gold, plaster Last Supper statue, as in "My, that gold, plaster Last Supper statue sure does look great on your mantle."  But not on mine.  Super-kitschy and certainly desirable to some, I had to pass on this little treasure.
G is for gold, plaster Last Supper statue, as in "My, that gold, plaster Last Supper statue sure does look great on your mantle."  But not on mine.  Super-kitschy and certainly desirable to some, I had to pass on this little treasure. H is for 'huh?', as in "Huh? What are those anyway?"  I have no idea.  When I picked them up, I thought they were S&P, but the small whole on top only goes about 1/4 of an inch down.  They're very heavy and produced by Dansk.  The bottom have a little wedge cut out of them which allows for them to sit straight or at an angle, as displayed above.  If you have some idea or would like to proffer a guess, please feel free.
H is for 'huh?', as in "Huh? What are those anyway?"  I have no idea.  When I picked them up, I thought they were S&P, but the small whole on top only goes about 1/4 of an inch down.  They're very heavy and produced by Dansk.  The bottom have a little wedge cut out of them which allows for them to sit straight or at an angle, as displayed above.  If you have some idea or would like to proffer a guess, please feel free. J is for jealous, as in "I'm sure you must be jealous of the major collection of Georges Briard accessories that I'm accumulating."  This one, called Persian Garden, is a great addition to the den.  The gold design in in perfect condition and it's just the right size for the end table.
J is for jealous, as in "I'm sure you must be jealous of the major collection of Georges Briard accessories that I'm accumulating."  This one, called Persian Garden, is a great addition to the den.  The gold design in in perfect condition and it's just the right size for the end table. N is for next, as in "The next hot decorating trend is going to be bowls of wooden fruit."  This was my second purchase and there was a third set I passed up a while back which had all painted pieces of fruit--I am still kicking myself.  My advice to you: never, ever pass up the opportunity to purchase a set of wooden fruit.  Never.  The two sets I currently have look great next to one another on the coffee table.  Promise.
N is for next, as in "The next hot decorating trend is going to be bowls of wooden fruit."  This was my second purchase and there was a third set I passed up a while back which had all painted pieces of fruit--I am still kicking myself.  My advice to you: never, ever pass up the opportunity to purchase a set of wooden fruit.  Never.  The two sets I currently have look great next to one another on the coffee table.  Promise. P is for photography books, as in "You can never have too many photography books in your collection."  This crazy book contains wonderful photographs of the grand old houses of Louisiana.  It's from the 1950s and the text is so flowery and sweet that it will leave a saccharine taste in your mouth.  Skip the text and just enjoy the photographs.
P is for photography books, as in "You can never have too many photography books in your collection."  This crazy book contains wonderful photographs of the grand old houses of Louisiana.  It's from the 1950s and the text is so flowery and sweet that it will leave a saccharine taste in your mouth.  Skip the text and just enjoy the photographs. S is for Schonwald, as in "Schonwald china from Germany is some of most boss dishes you can buy."  I heart this pattern.  I mean, really really heart it.  It's simply amazing, but they have an astronomical price on it and, as you know, I don't really need another set of dishes.  But I will freely admit that if it were cheap, I would buy it immediately.  I have several pieces of Schonwald in my collection already and I jettisoned several other things with the move to Texas, including the most delectable biscuit barrel you have ever seen.  Keep your eyes out for Schonwald because almost all of it is delicious.
S is for Schonwald, as in "Schonwald china from Germany is some of most boss dishes you can buy."  I heart this pattern.  I mean, really really heart it.  It's simply amazing, but they have an astronomical price on it and, as you know, I don't really need another set of dishes.  But I will freely admit that if it were cheap, I would buy it immediately.  I have several pieces of Schonwald in my collection already and I jettisoned several other things with the move to Texas, including the most delectable biscuit barrel you have ever seen.  Keep your eyes out for Schonwald because almost all of it is delicious. T is for tray, as in "The pattern of this Georges Briard tray is too boss for words." And it looks great next to the Lucite-mounted coral that Jennie gave me a while back.
T is for tray, as in "The pattern of this Georges Briard tray is too boss for words." And it looks great next to the Lucite-mounted coral that Jennie gave me a while back. W is for waffle maker, as in "What kind of rich-ass lady owned such a fancy waffle maker?"  The lid is painted porcelain and I'm sure matched some other kitchen accessories, but I had to pass it by.  I already have a waffle maker and this one, though amazing, just wasn't my style.
W is for waffle maker, as in "What kind of rich-ass lady owned such a fancy waffle maker?"  The lid is painted porcelain and I'm sure matched some other kitchen accessories, but I had to pass it by.  I already have a waffle maker and this one, though amazing, just wasn't my style.